By: Deanna Murray
Tea Party Tribune
Finding a job right now really sucks. But every now and then I’ll find a posting that tweaks my interest enough to actually get me thinking what it would be like to have a job I am absolutely unqualified for … After all, a writer is a writer, right?
Well, let’s test that theory. I found a listing on one of my favorite job sites, MediaBistro.com. The NRA’s publication is seeking a writer/editor … How hard can it be? I like guns. I grew up with a daddy who is an avid gun collector. I’ve even spent my fair share of time in the Bisti Badlands shooting cans off of stumps and sandstone hills.
But while I sat in my grandeur of finally making my daddy proud by becoming a writer for one of his favorite publications, I realized my knowledge of firearms extends to knowing the difference between a rifle and a handgun AND knowing the pain of a BB gun’s ammo piercing my right shoulder (yeah, my brother shot me once because I made him mad while we were playing in the backyard …at least he gave me a running start before firing on me.)
But wait. There is one area I can actually offer some expertise … and that’s the area of firearms and music … Do you know how many great songs there are out there touting holster-happy cowboys, bottle-shooting rednecks and the gun-loving Americans? And of course there’re a few vigilante tales of murder and woe in there, too …
… And if this doesn’t make you wanna head to your local Wal-Mart to buy a gun rack, I don’t know what will …
Song: Janie’s Got a Gun
Artist: Aerosmith
Lesley Ann Warren never looked so sexy as she did in her Aerosmith videos. Her brief appearance in this one gives a little throwback to her character’s wardrobe in ‘Beulah Land’ but here she plays the mom of Janie. And Lesley Ann finds out Janie is being abused by her father. The tune details Janie’s angst in telling people about her daddy issues and having absolutely no one believe her. So she takes matters into her own hands.
The dire topic discussed in the song is kind of lightened when a listener gets to watch Steven Tyler crawl around on a grate and flip his microphone scarves all over the place (I need some of those for my mic stand) … but the tune’s a classic. Can’t leave it off the list.
Song: Happiness Is a Warm Gun
Artist: The Beatles
John Lennon got the idea for this tune off a magazine cover he saw. In writings about this particular song, Lennon said he thought the headline of the article ‘Happiness is a warm gun’ was so fantastic he had to write about it. But who knows what actually came first – his realization a warm gun usually means someone’s fired it or the fact he really didn’t know much about firearms … hum … Still, a hit was in the making when Lennon took 3 tunes he’d been working on previously and formed them into this now, Beatles classic.
On a side note, would he turn over in his grave to know his song’s being featured on Tea Party Tribune? Probably ….but hell, it’s still a good tune.
Song: Gun
Artist: Uncle Tupelo
Using a firearm as a metaphor for your heart is always a bad sign. Uncle Tupelo ‘sold his guitar to the girl next door’ and wrote a song about his quick-fire, now unloaded heart.
This tune even got those rifle-hating liberals using the ‘g’ word while singing in the shower …
Song: You Give Love a Bad Name
Artist: Bon Jovi
It’s an anthem of a generation who embraced a New Jersey boy, his great hair and the tightest pants on the face of the earth … Jon Bon Jovi, thank you for all of it.
Whenever I hear ‘Shot thru the heart and you’re to blame … you give love a bad name.’ I think about how many Bon Jovi posters used to grace the walls of my bedroom as a teenager. Seems I can still hear my parents yelling ‘Deanna Marie Murray, turn that music down NOW.’
Song: Beer for My Horses
Artist: Toby Keith
Willie Nelson and the Patriotic Toby Keith team up for this fun-loving cowboy tune touting justice for all and putting evil dudes in the ground … and liquor for four-legged, saddled beasts of burden.
Because when the ‘gun-smoke settles, we’ll sing a victory tune and we’ll all meet back at the local saloon. We’ll raise up our glasses against evil forces singing whiskey for my men, beer for my horses.’ Just a quick question tho … what kind of ticket can a horse get for trotting under the influence? …
Song: The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
Artist: Gene Pitney
Oh hail the western, the love of a good woman and the king of cowboy cinema, John Wayne. I throw this tune in especially for my Gramps who is a Wayne aficionado and actually owns a John Wayne collector’s rifle …
Both a flick and a song, this tune tells the story of a cowboy who gave the ultimate justice to the baddest of dudes … makes you wonder if Liberty Valance turned evil though, because the school kids made fun of his name … it’s just a wild guess.
Song: I’m Gonna Get Me a Gun
Artist: Cat Stevens
This is simply the hokiest song I have ever heard. Musically, it’s silly, strange and carnival-like. Lyrically the happiness in which the words are delivered is comical … so I had to include it.
It’s almost PeeWee Herman-like … without the annoying voice and the bow tie … I can literally envision a person skipping along the sidewalk to the local pawn shop singing ‘I’m gonna get me a gun (doo doo doo doo doo) I’m gonna get me a gun.”
Song: Cleaning This Gun
Artist: Rodney Atkins
Yeah. I think every dad in the world talks about the fact he’s gonna go out and buy a rifle before his daughter starts dating…
‘Cleaning This Gun’ is the fear-of-god song every dad wants to put into the teen-aged boys taking out the princess of the house. Daddy, sitting on the porch, rifle in lap laying down the law … and making sure to re-iterate he’ll be up when he returns with his daughter ‘still cleaning his gun.’
Song: Give Me Back My Bullets
Artist: Lynard Skynard
The title track to Skynard’s fourth studio album, ‘Give Me Back My Bullets’ was the band’s best charting album, reaching No. 20 on the US charts. This tune is a prime example of a song embracing a person’s right to proudly own guns.
Lynard Skynard speaks metaphorically of the stigma of being a gun lover but also of the pride in ownership. And ‘He ain’t foolin’ around …’
Song: Gunpowder and Lead
Artist: Miranda Lambert
This sweet girl has kickin’ edge. One of Miranda Lambert’s first tunes to hit the scene is a gritty tune of a girl taking control of her own destiny after being abused by a boyfriend.
Obviously, we don’t condone this type of violence, but we’re all in favor of a great country tune performed by a beautiful woman, right? Especially when she’s just not gonna take it anymore … ‘His fist is big, but my gun is bigger …’
So there it is. … You might not think these tunes deliver the same kick as a Desert Eagle .44 Magnum or a 300 Weatherby Magnum (for those big game hunters out there), but they’re what I came up with. No worries, I won’t RECOIL (another gun term … points for me?) from your suggestions. Fire away …
But before I sign off, any sure shots out there willing to teach a girl to point and shoot?
