Final Resting Places

By: T F Stern
T F Stern’s Rantings

In the movie, The Bishop’s Wife, there was a line spoken by the old professor that garnered my attention. Professor Wutheridge had procrastinated working to complete a history book, one he’d supposedly been working on for many years. He recognized time was running out and wondered out loud to Dudley if he’d ever complete his book as he commented, “For some time now, every time I pass the cemetery, I feel as though I’m apartment hunting”.

We’re all going to die some day, you know, “Death and Taxes”; it’s just that we don’t dwell on the subject too much as it gets in the way of living.

Going out with a bang might be the way to go; the Darwin Awards, a spectacular exit from this spinning planet. I personally like the fellow who strapped a Jet Assisted Takeoff Pack (JATO) to his vehicle thinking he’d set some kind of land speed record.

“The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.”

As it turns out there really was no car embedded in the side of a cliff, a car that took flight after some fool strapped a JATO unit to his Chevy; but it sure makes you wonder about how stupid some folks are. The problem with many of these stories; they turn out to be nothing more than fabrications.

Speaking of fabrications…

Years ago Hal Holbrook had a one man show, Mark Twain Tonight. He’d stand on stage addressing a variety of topics dressed in such a way as to convince the audience they were in the presence of that old story teller. With the house lights turned low as if he were in his study talking to a few close friends, he looked up into the heavens, carefully gathering his thoughts about the fellow who fell into the carpet weaving machine and became part of a beautiful 9 by 12 area rug. He then would tap his foot on the small area rug he’d been standing on; how’s that for imagery?

Then there are pop up ads that present themselves on the internet while you read about airplanes vanishing into thin air or Russia invading the Ukraine, an endless stream of products and services, momentary diversions.

Is it just me…or does this advertisement that showed up on my Facebook sidebar strike anyone else as a bit morbid while at the same time comical? I mean… a John Deere Custom Urn to preserve your dearly departed’s ashes?

Then again…we gave my sister in law a jar full of biscotti for Christmas one year so when it was empty she could transfer the remains of her husband into it. John came home from the crematorium in an old shoe box and had been kept on a shelf in the closet for years.

I saw a bumper sticker some time back; wish I’d been able to obtain one. It had the John Deere green and yellow logo along with a reminder, “Tractors are Green – Trucks are Red”; yea, that would have looked good on my truck’s bumper.

Not sure about that urn; but I’m still looking around for a JATO to put on my truck, “fastest locksmith in town”, just aim me in the right direction.

This article has been cross-posted to The Moral Liberal, a publication whose banner reads, “Defending The Judeo-Christian Ethic, Limited Government & The American Constitution.”

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