Return to Community Organizer in Chief, Part 2

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By: Snarky Basterd
From: Feed Your ADHD

The other day I mentioned the Obama administration had a special duty for me:

I was selected ordered to participate in the American Community Survey (ACS). Never heard of it? Neither did I, until the edict arrived in the mail from the Community Organizer in Chief, via one of his many bootlicking lackeys, Robert M. Groves, director of the United States Department of Commerce.

I’ll receive the survey in a few days, the edict tells me. The 28-page questionnaire [download a pdf here] is separate from the Census. My response to both (emphasis theirs) documents is “required by U.S. Law.”

As promised, the survey came today, in a thick envelope with these bold letters stamped on the front: YOUR RESPONSE IS REQUIRED BY LAW. As I mentioned the other day, this isn’t your run of the mill government survey, not when I’m being expected to answer questions like this (emphasis mine):

  • What is your name, address, and date of birth?
  • What is your race?
  • Are you Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin?
  • Where were you born?
  • What is your ancestry or ethnic origin?
  • How many cars do you have at your house?
  • Do you have a flush toilet?
  • Do you have a sink with a faucet?
  • How much is your rent/mortgage?
  • Do you have a second mortgage? How much is it?
  • Are you covered by a health insurance plan? Which type?
  • Do you have serious difficulty hearing? Seeing? Concentrating, remembering, or making decisions?
  • Do you have difficulty dressing or bathing?
  • How many times have you been married?
  • When did you last get married?
  • Where did you work last? What’s the address?
  • What time do you leave home to go to work?
  • What is your income?
  • What is your retirement/pension?
  • Do you have a VA disability rating?
  • What’s the most important thing you do at work?

And I’m not your run of the mill American sheeple.

After seeing the package, I took out the worn, dog-eared copy of the Constitution I’ve been carrying around in my jacket pocket for the past 10 years and, turning to the first page, under Article 1, Section 2, read the entire amount of the information I am “REQUIRED BY LAW,” according to the Founders, to provide to the federal government:

Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers …

In other words, I’m required to tell the federal government how many people live in my house … not their names, not their race, not the kind of home I live in, not when I moved here, not “the actual sales of all agricultural products from this property” (it’s too damned cold to grow weed in the winter, dummies), not what kind of fuel heats my home, not how many vehicles I own, not how much I spent on water or heat during the past 12 months, not how much my mortgage payment is, not how well I speak English, not what kind of health insurance I have, not if I’m deaf or can’t dress myself or if I piss in an outhouse because I don’t have running plumbing.

Not. One. Word. Of. It.

Which is why, once again, this piece of shit questionnaire is going back to the District of Criminals marked “Return to Community Organizer and Chief,” like the letter notifying me I had been selected ordered to participate in the ACS, with only one question completed — the number of people who live at my address — along with a copy of the Constitution:

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